there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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