So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
