I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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