I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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