Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
