I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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