i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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