Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
