My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
