you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
nut hugger
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
3pm strippers are depressing
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
