jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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