My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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