Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
lets start a swedish sibling band together
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
