matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
