I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
