I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
