this will be a night to untag.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
