It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How naked do you want me to be?
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