like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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