so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
