Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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