Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
