These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
