I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
