i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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