All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
