loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
