i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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