I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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