I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
