Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
