Apparently you make a good broom.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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