The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
