my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
