I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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