my phone needs a breathalizer
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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