only if we run a train.
done.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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