Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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