I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize