We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
