you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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