ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
