You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
