I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
