someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
