It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
