Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
