You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
