I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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