about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
