I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Randomize
