make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
