I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
