K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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