im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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