Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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