you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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