just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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