A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Randomize
