evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
