A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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