my vag is so smooth its legendary
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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