uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize