Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
