I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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