I love black thongs
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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