I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
