if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
