I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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