can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
