He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
