Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
