I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
