youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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