u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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