Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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