Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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