No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
