Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
