i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
