Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
