Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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