we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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